In Desperate Need

For all those Moms: does this sound familiar? “I will do (fill in the blank) for myself as soon as I get little Jr.(fill in the blank) and dear hubby (fill in the blank) and the laundry washed, the dishes done, etc., etc.

It is a well known fact that most Moms put herself and her needs on the back burner. With all the roles she plays her needs and wants seem to dissipate into thin air. Over time she finds that she has been losing herself and her well being in keeping up with the everyday bustle.

I am no exception to this. The difference, however, is that I know what is going on, yet have not done anything to change this snowball effect. Whenever I discuss my daily dealings with family, somewhere amidst the conversation is a lecture on how I need to take time out and do things for me; do things to keep my sanity and inner peace. There is always the inquiry, “But what did you do today for you?” In which I usually reply with silence as I rack my brain for anything that might justify "me time."

For the past week I have found my mind telling myself, "I could really use some pamper time...a pedicure or massage sounds nice." Or, "Today, I will take time out to finish my book!" (Still haven't done this one.) Another example, "I wonder if JP (my husband) would be willing to watch Logan for a while so I can take a little 'me time' shopping trip?" Even, "My hair is driving me crazy! I desperately need a haircut!"

Though I hear myself saying these things, I never voice them or take the time to put them in action. I tell myself, "We need this and this, maybe next month I"ll losen the budget a bit to do one of these things for myself." It seems I can always find an excuse (as I'm sure most Mom's can) to not take the time needed for me. Even as I write this, I am beginning to feel guilty with being so selfish. All of these "I's" and "me's"...

And so the snowball keeps growing as it rolls downhill.

First Haircut

Though I loved Logan's curls, they were simply getting too long. Not brave enough to cut them off myself, I searched the phonebook and internet for a speciality salon in children's haircuts.

We took him to the shop (Mop Tops-perfect name!) and sat him on one of the toy cars. He screamed and latched to my neck. So, I ended up sitting on a barber chair while he sat on my lap, screaming, squirming, and crying. Even bribery did not work (the hairstylist tried to give him a lollipop.)

I know that the hair stylist did this for a living and that she has cut many a squirming kids; but I was impressed by how Logan's haircut came out with him moving around the whole time.

Logan received a certificate stating it was his first haircut and for mom, a lock of curl.

California

We just returned from a small trip to California to celebrate my grandmother's 80th Birthday.

The first day was spent in Monterey to show Logan the ocean and feel the sand between his toes; a trip my grandmother used to take me on when I would spend my summers there. We walked down Fisherman's Wharf and sampled clam chowder. Logan and my husband were looking out over the dock when a sea lion popped out of the water just below them. Of course I was off somewhere else at the time. When I came back, Logan kept pointing down at the water and "telling" me what happened.

The Birthday party and after parties were nice. It was such a pleasure catching up with family and friends I had not seen; some in 22 years.

It was a nice little trip and great for Logan to meet some of his family.

Boys

I have discovered that boys will be boys whether they are young or old. And Logan is no exception.

A while back we went out to dinner at the Olive Garden. Across the room was a little girl in a high chair eating dinner with her parents. Logan, in his own high chair was yelling at her and flirting. So my husband took Logan over to the table to meet the little girl. Immediately, Logan turned shy. The little girl on the other hand already knew the way to a boy's heart by trying to share her chicken fingers with Logan.

Another instance; while out on the town a little girl came up to Logan, grabbed his hand and led him over to the play area of where we were to play. She showered him in hugs and kisses in which, Logan being a little boy, walked away from her and "wiped" the kisses off his cheek. However, they soon were good playmates.

It all just goes to show, boys talk and play a big game but when all is said and done; they are as timid as a little puppy.

My Little Hiker

Several times now I have heard people say that it is best to take your child hiking when he is at the age of three. Whether they mean overnight backpacking trips; it is not specified.

I have taken Logan on numerous hiking trips (all day long ones) and he does great! He can usually hike the majority of the trails himself without too much trouble. And when we come to a rough spot, he just takes Mom's hand to help him along.

Recently we took Logan for a day hike in Bandelier National Monument. The trails are easy and non strenuous; it was when we got to the ladders that he had a bit of a problem, his legs being too short to reach each step. Dad would grab Logan and haul him up and down the ladders.

Logan loved going into each little cave "house", exploring the tiny dirt rooms, and seeing the views from the windows. As we descended down the trail loop to the bridge with the creek, Logan began playing "tour guide" and pointing out to everyone passing by the water rushing beneath them.

My goal is to embark upon Logan the importance of protecting and respecting mother nature, to enjoy and take in the beauty around him, and to see what a wonderful gift our world is.

Unforgiven

Back in June, I took a trip to Iowa and left my son Logan for the first time. Now this trip just wasn't a day or two, it was a whole week.

I have heard several mothers say that the mom takes it the hardest than the kid when being apart for the first time. Therefore, days before I left I mentally prepared myself. I told myself if I just stayed busy than I wouldn't have time to mourn the fact that Logan and I were not together.

When I came back and met Logan in the airport, I didn't know what to expect. Would he run and cry to his dad? Would he be mad and not want to have anything to do with me? I saw Logan running my way in baggage claim and got down to greet him. He stopped, gave me a huge smile and wrapped his arms around my neck. And there he stayed.

Of course I was ecstatic! But now, two months later, I don't think I have been totally forgiven. He has been more clingy than ever since I left and cries if he doesn't know where I am.

I have been told over and over that I need to put Logan in daycare. Get him out to socialize with kids his age. The predicament here is that I live so far away from anything that I would be spending a minimum of three and a half to four hours a day just driving him back and forth. How would that be advantageous?

Though I agree Logan needs to learn that it is okay to be away from Mom and Dad; that we will always come back, I just have not figured out a way to do this yet.

Family Visits

One of the great things about having long distance family come visit is that they want to spend every waking moment with my son, Logan. This allows for Mom and Dad to have a small break.

For the past week and a half, my father-in-law stayed with us. My husband and I had a "date" night where we watched a movie in an actual movie theatre and without subtitles! My son is still unable to sit through even 15 minutes of a movie; we all sit down at home to watch one and before the previews are even over, he is running around the house playing, grabbing our hands to show us his new findings, and yelling, chasing our dog. Hence the subtitles and the worn out rewind button on the remote control.

Besides date night, I had the opportunity to go to work child free. The office seemed eerily quiet at first; but being able to get everything done without looking over my shoulder to see what trouble Logan was getting into every minute made it well worth it. Even when I had projects brought to me an hour before quitting time; I did not feel any stress what so ever. I knew I had a few more child free days to get them all done in.

Though I get a little stressed before family arrives (finding time to clean the house, work, grocery shop, plan meals, and chase Logan around) once they are there I feel as though I have more free time to do what I want to do. For example, I got to read several chapters in my book. This doesn't sound like much, but before Grandpa came it took me three days to read nine pages!

Several days I came home from work to find that my father-in-law installed child safety latches, fixed broken items around the house, put together items we hadn't found the time to do yet, and cleaned.

It just goes to show that grandparents are not just there spoiling their grandkids; Mom feels pretty spoiled as well.

Play Time

Though I absolute-ly hate it when the weather decides to throw us 100 degree heat days, one thing I do enjoy is playtime. Water hoses, sprinklers, mud, anything to cool you down makes excellent outdoor activites.

I am a firm believer that kids need to be kids, little boys need to be little boys, and little girls need to be little girls (no matter if the little girl is a girly girl or a tomboy.) If this means making a mud hole in my garden or backyard so be it.

Back in April during our sale; several inches of snow had dropped making the ranch a beautiful post card picture, but as the day warmed up, all that snow turned to mud. I wasn't going to stop Logan from playing in it (nor was my girlfriend going to stop her son-that is why we are friends.) I remember people telling me, "I can't believe you are letting him (my son) play in the mud like that!." Why? What's wrong with it? Him and my girlfriend's son were having the best time!

I believe that too many kids are trapped indoors with video game systems, television, ipods, cell phones, and other electronic devices. What happened to the great outdoors? Perhaps it's because their parents never gave them the opportunity to get diry so they go outside and don't know what to do out there.

A blog posting written by the same girlfriend mentioned above said that she can judge a good day for her son with how much dirt he has on himself. This is so true! You know, not just by the gleaming smile on their faces, that they truly had a chance to run and play. A chance to be themselves; a kid.