In Desperate Need

For all those Moms: does this sound familiar? “I will do (fill in the blank) for myself as soon as I get little Jr.(fill in the blank) and dear hubby (fill in the blank) and the laundry washed, the dishes done, etc., etc.

It is a well known fact that most Moms put herself and her needs on the back burner. With all the roles she plays her needs and wants seem to dissipate into thin air. Over time she finds that she has been losing herself and her well being in keeping up with the everyday bustle.

I am no exception to this. The difference, however, is that I know what is going on, yet have not done anything to change this snowball effect. Whenever I discuss my daily dealings with family, somewhere amidst the conversation is a lecture on how I need to take time out and do things for me; do things to keep my sanity and inner peace. There is always the inquiry, “But what did you do today for you?” In which I usually reply with silence as I rack my brain for anything that might justify "me time."

For the past week I have found my mind telling myself, "I could really use some pamper time...a pedicure or massage sounds nice." Or, "Today, I will take time out to finish my book!" (Still haven't done this one.) Another example, "I wonder if JP (my husband) would be willing to watch Logan for a while so I can take a little 'me time' shopping trip?" Even, "My hair is driving me crazy! I desperately need a haircut!"

Though I hear myself saying these things, I never voice them or take the time to put them in action. I tell myself, "We need this and this, maybe next month I"ll losen the budget a bit to do one of these things for myself." It seems I can always find an excuse (as I'm sure most Mom's can) to not take the time needed for me. Even as I write this, I am beginning to feel guilty with being so selfish. All of these "I's" and "me's"...

And so the snowball keeps growing as it rolls downhill.